Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Are Pastors and Christian Counselors Responsible for the Failure of Christian Marriages?

It is said that eighty percent of marriages fails and fifty percent of failed marriages ends in divorce. The statistics are there to show that in the last ten years, the divorced rate amongst practicing Christians has rocked out of control. A practice that was once taboo among the Christian community has now become a common and acceptable practice.

When the forgone statement is considered, it is truly unfortunate that the Christian community who believed that Jehovah: the Creator God; was the one who instituted marriage at creation Genesis 2: 20-23 so the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the LORD God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man. “At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’ Jehovah encouraged marriage in his commandment Exodus 20:14 “You must not commit adultery” and thought Jesus Matthew 5: 27 he showed the seriousness of this sacred institution.

Today Christians are entering and leaving marriages with no regards for the seriousness of the institution and the God who instituted it.

Marriage was instituted by Jehovah for the following reasons:

• For the preservation of the human species.

• For the preservation of the human family the most essential societal unit.

• To ensure man maintains his obedience, love and loyalty to Jehovah God.

• And to ensure that human come and remained close to Jehovah.

From my observation, I must conclude; there are two main reason why Christian marriages ends in divorce and these two "main" reasons, are as follows.

1. Christianity is now a social club that uses the bible ritualistically and no longer considers the actual love and obedience to God as relevant.

2. Christian couples are receiving poor pre and post marital counseling from their pastors, spiritual advisor and or spiritual mentors.

I have so concluded after hearing many Pastors speak but my conviction was sealed when I heard a PhD. Holding Pastor, who repeatedly boasted of his counseling credential, consistently declared his impatience, with couples who utilize his premarital counseling service. Like many pastor, this PhD. holding pastor; think he should be given the privilege of choosing the man for the female of the church and any man who is willing to honor Jehovah by utilizing the wisdom and intelligence Jehovah has blessed him with; to use such to think for himself, not allowing himself to me manipulated by their petty mentality. When such intelligence, strength and wisdom are displayed the male are deemed unfit and are not considered to be husband material. The women are never the one with the fault, because they are very often the agreeable ones (it seems like women in such situation are willing to agree with everyone except for her proposed husband),  the ones who pose no real threat to the Pastor's manhood, masculinity and or authority.
 
Premarital counseling is not arranged for couple seeking the pastor counselor as to whether they should get married or not, but it is a program that is design to lend an mutual prospective in helping the couple identify habits, attitudes, behaviors and or situations that could present potential challenge to the harmonious functioning of the marriage. It is therefore the counselor’s responsibility, to help the couple identify the potential obstacles as well as; to help them find and develop the tools needed to effectively deal with such potential obstacles to their happiness.

However instead of providing the couple with the tools needed to overcome such obstacles, the pastors and Christian counselors try to discourage the union of the couples who love each other and in the process they imposes their personal and petty stereotypes, biases and weaknesses into the life of those who are seeking their guidance for a potentially successful marriage. It seems like these counselors are unaware that it is when a couple have learn to successfully and positively deal with the obvious problems that may pop up in their marriage they are homing the skills, developing the knowledge and equipping themselves with the needed tool that will give the couple the confidence and the know how to deal with and resolve the unforeseen difficulties of the future.

When the pastors are not giving bad counsel and imposing their own weakness and fears upon new couples; they preach sermons in which they seek to cover up their own counseling failure, selling to the congregation a one size fit all message as they instilling in the congregation, the mentality that problems are stronger than love and if a couple dear to venture our side of that which the pastor's limited view think is normal, the marriage is doomed to fail. Yet the people who are following their counsel are ending up before the divorce court.

The behavior and remarks of the PhD. holding Pastor and other unfaithful men and women who pretends daily that they are servant of Jehovah once again reminded me that:

1. Holding a PhD does not mean you are endowed with wisdom and or commonsense.

2. Jehovah will not withhold from his faithful leaders the wisdom that is needed to lead his people aright.

3. If you are a leader of Jehovah’s people and you lack such wisdom it means you are simply not faithful to Yah.

You may ask how I can make such a bold statement, well I will tell you. Before we go any further you must know that wisdom is free but it is not cheap and it does not come without personal sacrifice to flesh. If you don’t remember anything else please remember that the price for wisdom is faithfulness to Jehovah. In the book of proverbs, it speaks of the wisdom that Jehovah gives to his faithful children freely. In Daniel 1: 8-17, we see Jehovah blessed Daniel and his three friends with wisdom because they were faithful to him.

We have also seen in Numbers 11: 17- when Moses needed help; Yah told him to appoint faithful men to assist him. When the men were appointed Jehovah did something peculiar. "Then I will come down and speak with you (Moses) there, and I will take of the Spirit who is upon you, and will put Him upon them; and they shall bear the burden of the people with you, so that you will not bear it all alone". Numbers. 11:17.  

This is simply, when Jehovah God assigns a man to lead his people he equip them to do so with excellence. It is no secret that Jehovah is very liberal with wisdom, especially to anyone who is faithful to him but more so to those he has appointed to lead his people aright. It is important, for Jehovah’s name must be glorified, and at time he does things just for his name’s sake. So if you are not awarded or blessed with the wisdom of Jehovah then you may not be living faithful to him and you may be functioning outside the perimeter of your calling.

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